I need to vent...

Dear Diary,

I seem to be stuck in “The Gray Area” of my relationship.  You know when you have a huge disagreement over something and you both never came to a compromise? The problem is never solved and you end the discussion without knowing what's going to happen next. Yea, that’s me right now. 

Marcus went home and I didn't stop him. Days have gone by and I refuse to call him because I’m sick and tired of being the one to make the first move. He hasn’t called because apparently, he feels that I  overreacted, which I tend to do sometimes. But personally, I feel like it's his ego that won't allow him to apologize.

Stuff like this can go on for days, sometimes weeks! And I’m left wondering where I stand with him if this is a breakup or not; leading to assumptions on both ends. 

He wonders if I’m seeing someone else, while I’m having the same thoughts about him. But, instead of addressing the issues, we both just remain in the gray area.

I feel believe relationships should be kept in black and white at all times.  We should always keep the lines of communication open where we can feel free and safe to express ourselves. It's important that we don't allow your mate to assume what's going on in our head because chances are this will not work out in our favor. 

(But try telling Marcus that. Sigh...)

I always say to him “we should never go to bed with unresolved issues.”

But does he listen? NO! Instead he rather we have sex as if it’s gonna make the problem disappear. 

I mean...really? Hello! 

This will not make it go away! Ignoring the problem is not the solution. And obviously, it hasn’t worked because look at where we are right now? In this, “gray area” again!

The place of the unknown. Where we fight, argue, don’t speak but return to make love. 

But is it really love?

Sigh...I'm sure you’re saying I sound selfish and extremely one-sided because I’m putting all the blame on him when it takes two to mess up a relationship.

But you know what?  I really do feel like it’s his fault. He really needs to grow up!

Ok well…maybe we both do, I’ll admit it.

But he still needs to understand that his unwillingness to compromise and distance himself doesn’t make it any better. 

Stop looking for an excuse to “ask for space” which we know is code for “I want to sleep around”

or  "I don't want to deal with you right now."

He should be a man and tell me what he really wants because I won’t be sitting around waiting on him forever. I DESERVE better. I can HAVE better and I’m not afraid to FIND better. 

Anyway...

I'm off to bed now! I have a busy day tomorrow.

Thanks for listening.